


Consequences & Cocoa

by Hoothootmotherf_ckers



Series: Hurts & Hugs [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 03:04:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14824017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoothootmotherf_ckers/pseuds/Hoothootmotherf_ckers
Summary: Lucretia carried the fate of the world for a very long time. Sometimes, she still feels she has to.





	Consequences & Cocoa

There are consequences, in life. Some are clear cut - a betrayal leads to lack of trust, a mistake leads to injury. Others are more vague. 

Lucretia, at age eighteen, chose to embark on a mission of exploration. She made friends, learned, grew as a person. She grew tired, stressed, older than she should be, forced to bear the fate of countless worlds on her shoulders. She chose to protect her friends, hide them and keep them safe. And she lost everything. She chose to found an organization, to carry more weight, to find the Relics. She lost her youth, her happiness. She did eventually get some of those things back. She regained her family, helped save the world, got to stop hiding and fearing and carrying and start living.

That’s not to say there weren’t more long term consequences, though. The migraines started long ago, in the horrible years where she was alone. At first little flickers in her vision and brief flashes of pain, they soon spiraled into days of nauseating agony and partial vision loss, days where she couldn’t leave her rooms because even the moonlight hurt. They flared up when she was stressed, which soon became a vicious cycle - chronic pain is not exactly relaxing. It was a good thing most of the Bureau thought she was aloof and eccentric and didn’t question the fact that she’d go missing for a few days every week or two. Of course, everything kept going. She couldn’t let these stop her from running the Bureau, from hunting down Relics, from getting things done. With so many secrets, it was impossible for her to delegate anything. Some of the little things, maybe - but Davenport and Carey and Killian could only do so much. For the most part, the Bureau of Balance rested on her shoulders alone. 

Which is why, months after the day of Story and Song, Lucretia could be found hunched over her desk, trying to read paperwork in the dark. She’d been staring at it for hours, rereading lines and squinting at the small text. She knows she should be resting, but dammit this needs to be done and she needs to do it. After the Hunger was defeated, she started asking around for firsthand accounts of that day. They were sent in by the thousands, and a significant chunk of them sit before her. She’s trying to compile them into a cohesive book, documenting the responses, the selflessness of people across the plane. But there’s so many to read through, and she can’t afford to waste time even if her head feels like it’s being split open. 

She groans as someone opens the door and a beam of light pierces the room. 

“Shit, shit sorry!” She squints up to see the imposing figure of Magnus, carrying a tray with something on it. She sighs, exhausted but fond.

“It’s okay. Can you keep your voice down though?”

Quietness is not Magnus’s strong suit, but he makes a valiant effort. He loudly whispers, “So I asked around and no one had seen you today, so I figured it might be a migraine again, so I brought hot chocolate! Also ice packs and a fantasy audiobook.” He looks earnestly at her.

She’s rather startled. “Wait, how’d you know about the migraines? I thought I was doing okay at keeping that under wraps.” Has she been less subtle than normal? Do her employees know? Oh, at least she’s still getting work done, hopefully they won’t think less of her…

“I mean, yeah, sure, you’ve been pretty quiet about it,” Magnus replies. “But I know you better than most people, Luce. You might be a quiet person but you’d never voluntarily hide in the dark for days. Like honestly, who would?” He glances around the room as he talks. “No one’s judging you for that, it’s important to take care of yourself…” His voice trails off as his vision adjusts enough to see what Lucretia’s working on. “Wait one second. You have a migraine and you’re doing paperwork?” 

Lucretia sighs. “Yes, I’m doing paperwork, because it needs to get done. Now if you’d be so kind as to leave the hot cocoa, I’d like to get back to it. Thanks, though.”

Magnus stares for a second, then says “Nuh-uh.” 

She’s too tired for this. “What?”

“No, you’re not doing work right now. You can barely _see_ , Lucretia! Uh-uh, nope, not happening.” 

Faster than she can react, he’s neatly stacking up her papers. Her indignance is tempered by her appreciation for the obvious care he’s taking, but she still snaps back, “Magnus Burnsides, give those back!”

He stands a few feet from her desk, the papers under his arm. He stares her down and says, “Come and get them, then.”

Annoyed at this waste of time, she stands up and grabs her papers back. Or she tries to, anyway - in reality, she gets halfway up before falling back with a groan. 

Magnus sighs. “Yep, that’s what I thought. Give me five minutes, Luce, and don’t you dare try to get up.” He leaves the room, taking both the papers and cocoa with him. 

She sits there for… an indeterminate amount of time. It’s hard to keep track when things are like this, and it’s not bright enough for her to see a clock. But after a while of sitting in the dark, Magnus returns. 

“Okay, so we’re going into the halls so you’ll want to keep your eyes shut, I’ll tell you when you can open them. Now, one, two, three, scoop!” He lifts Lucretia into his arms, which she would find embarrassing if she didn’t know Magnus did this to everyone. Seriously, she’s heard him excitedly explain to Carey that cradling someone in his arms is like an “advanced hug.” It does feel kind of nice, though, and she curls into his side and shuts her eyes as they go out into the corridors. 

She tries to open her eyes a few times, but she regrets it immediately as bright lights burn her eyes. Eventually though, she can see the light through her eyelids dim and Magnus says quietly “Okay, we’re here.” 

She looks around in wonder. Magnus has brought her to the Voidfish’s chambers, which are dim enough to be comfortable but with enough glow that she can see a little. In a corner against the tank, there appears to be a pile of some sort. As Magnus gently sets her down in it, she realizes that he’s made a nest of pillows and blankets. Along its edge are some hot water bottles, ice packs, fantasy painkillers, and the earlier offered hot cocoa. As she settles into the blankets, she asks blearily, “The papers?”

Magnus smiles. “Passed those on to Lup and Barry, they’re working on it, don’t worry.” His smile droops. “Luce, you know you can trust us, right?” 

She wasn’t expecting that. “Yes, of course! I’d trust you all with my life!” Silently, she thinks, _I’ve trusted you all with my life so many times. That's the opposite of the problem here._

“Then why do you keep doing this? You’re not alone, you don’t have to.”

Frustrated, she replies, “Yes, I do!”

Magnus’s face is impassive as he asks, “Why?”

She doesn’t have a good answer. “I just… I have to. I can’t… “ She groans, rubbing her eyes. “I trust you all so much. I just… I hurt you all so much. I hurt these people. This is the least I can do.”

Magnus sighs. “You don’t have to do this, Lucretia. You don’t have to make up for anything, to anyone.” She opens her mouth to argue and he says resignedly, “No, not even Taako. Who do you think made this hot chocolate?”

Yet again, she’s speechless. Magnus seems to be sighing a lot. “Really, Lucretia. We care about you, we love you. Take care of yourself, okay? Stop punishing yourself over everything. Really, the only person who doesn’t seem to have forgiven you… is you.” 

He leans over her, tucks her into the blankets a bit, and gives her a kiss on the forehead. “Please take care of yourself, sis.” He leaves with a sad smile, carefully closing the door behind him. 

Lucretia gazes at the Voidfish, lost in thought. Her brain seems to be spinning and foggy at the same time, jumbling scraps of self hatred and love and confusion. But one thought does make it through clearly:

_This is really good hot cocoa._

**Author's Note:**

> chronic migraines and high pressures are the worst, especially combined. I have a lot of experience on that front. Also, I love Lucretia and Magnus and their friendship.


End file.
